‘Stop judging and labelling children’

Experts believe that its often a poor choice to judge a child or the parents for any public display of arrogance.

Parenting is a matter of study today. At no point parents feel confident the upbringing path they have chosen is a right way. Some depend on child psychologists, some on elders while some think its gambling. A class 5 student from Gujarat, has sparked a massive debate with his conduct on the latest episode of Kaun Banega Crorepati. The child appeared on the 17th season of the long-running quiz show which is hosted by Amitabh Bachchan, where his conduct on the hot seat led to backlash on social media. Needless to say, the parents were in spotlight with all doubting their parenting skills. In an interview with ‘The Perfect Voice’, Dr. Sachi Pandya, a psychologist at NH SRCC Children’s Hospital, shared her observations on why Structure at home matters in the upbringing of children and how avoiding the Pitfalls of overindulgence affects parenting.

The KBC episode has gone viral with all voices questioning the upbringing of the child who displayed a behavior that came as a shock to even the host. Who is at fault? Is he innocent? Is it time to introspect about a larger concern around upbringing?

The fault is social media and access to the content that is floating across the internet. Children feel pressurised to be 'cool', 'macho' and try to act adult like without really knowing its implications. It is not their fault. Their brain is still developing and they are absorbing a lot from the environment which is the societal responsibility and the culture we are knowingly unknowingly forging towards.

More than the youngster, it was his parents who became the target of backlash for ‘improper upbringing’. What does your study say?

Parents do play a vital role when it comes to disciplining and upbringing but blaming the child's behaviour on the parents and judging the parents is a poor choice and shows lack of empathy. Children sometimes behave in different ways and display volatile emotions and wear masks to hide their nervousness, anxiety or shyness. It is not under parents' control. Understanding that children are still learning, removing the lens of judgment and rather giving grace is what this time calls for. The parents also in that moment would be feeling helpless or nervous and just use smiling or laughing or overlooking the child's behaviour, it doesn't mean they are not conscious but rather trying to deal with the situation. We say that do not take the child's behaviour personally, but I also say refrain from judging the parents and rather look at supporting the parents within the community to nurture a better society. It is everyone's responsibility. A child doesn't grow at home, it goes to school, it lives in a society, it interacts with people in different spaces, also watches a lot of content, what about sharing the responsibility of nurturing the young minds rather than shifting blame.

Some believe that the behaviour may have stemmed out of nervousness and that the child was unnecessarily being targeted. Can you share your thoughts?

I agree. Children are still learning about emotions and how to regulate their emotions. Most of the time they hide nervousness with coming across as arrogant and cold. Children should be spared of harsh judgments and labels. It is one of the most insensitive things a society can do. I am thinking of the messages floating on social media and how much this is hyped and what impact it is going to have on the child and his parents on a long term. It is nothing less than a nightmare!

What do you think is the root cause of rising arrogance and lack of humility among most kids?

It is a disconnection often times the child experience among peers, within family, within the society, there is isolation too, judgment and harshness they are met with, the pressure to learn and be perfect, keeping adult like expectations from kids, poor the fast paced life, lack of quality time and play, less social interactions, overuse of screen and social media, gaming and internet. Also, there needs to be an increased focus on social emotional learning and helping children thrive emotionally and socially.

How do you think parents should tackle arrogance of their children?

Arrogance is a behaviour. Any behaviour stems from an emotion brewing underneath. Parents rather than correcting the child, getting disappointed in the child or judging the child should first look at the root of this behaviour. Are they angry, annoyed or feeling guilt. Explore their emotions, the dynamics they engage in in different environments outside home, know their emotional needs and co-regulate. Connection before correction always works when it comes to teaching and strengthening right behaviours. Meeting the arrogance with a stern look or a cold word will only shut the child down, keep them emotionally volatile and alone in their struggle and encourage more such behaviour.

Now that Ishit Bhat has become popular for all the wrong reasons, it must have been a difficult phase for the parents and the child; the entire family to deal with the situation. The child may likely face backlash among peers or any other such situation may arise due to this. How should a child and a family handle such situations without suffering a mental setback?

Flood them with empathy, nurture a culture of allowing mistakes. Every child deserves to make mistakes and learn as they grow to become their best selves. Nobody is perfect, especially not the ones who are the first to judge.

Media reports have highlighted a ‘six-pocket-syndrome’ which is claimed to be a major factor. Can you explain how?

Children thrive when there is consistency between their home and school environments. While schools often provide structure, routine, and clear expectations, some homes lack the same level of guidance. When children return to unstructured or unsupervised settings, confusion can arise, leading to boredom, poor self-control, or even aggression.

Early boundary-setting—starting as young as age one or two—is crucial. Children need to be gently but firmly taught what is and isn’t acceptable, such as not hitting or pushing. Just as important is parental modeling. When adults handle conflict calmly and communicate respectfully, children learn to do the same. Daily conversations, shared chores, and emotionally supportive routines help children develop empathy, discipline, and resilience.

However, a growing concern in today’s families is the "Six Pocket Syndrome"—a term referring to the overindulgence of children by six adults: two parents and four grandparents. While love and attention are essential, when paired with a lack of discipline, this can foster entitlement, low frustration tolerance, and emotional immaturity.

What advice would you give to the parents today?

Studies show that children raised with both warmth and structure—what psychologists call "authoritative parenting"—develop stronger self-regulation, confidence, and social skills.

Besides, children today often bear the burden of early emotional complexity and pressure to perform way before they are physically and mentally to do so. Rather than placing blame, we must ask: Are we giving children the space to be children? Are we letting them grow slowly, explore their inner worlds, and feel safe in their bodies, free from pressure to perform or impress?

Parents and caregivers must strike a healthy balance: providing love and support while also setting clear limits. With consistency and care, children can grow into respectful, resilient, and emotionally intelligent individuals.