When Exams Steal Childhood: A Teacher’s Call for Compassion

Exam results do not measure a child’s worth. Character, skills, discipline, adaptability, and emotional strength decide how far they go.

It is that time of the year again. For some children, it is board examinations. For others, it is annual exams, unit tests, assessments, revisions, and constant evaluations. But beyond the question papers, beyond the timetables and syllabi, something much deeper is unfolding quietly in our homes and classrooms.

I am seeing children—very young children—carrying stress far heavier than their school bags.

As a teacher, I see it every day. Children who are burned out, anxious, irritable, and sleepless.

Children complaining of headaches, stomach aches, rising blood pressure, rising sugar, panic, and fear of failure. Children who have stopped smiling the way children naturally should. And this worries me deeply. Because this is an age when childhood should bloom, not break.

This is an age meant for curiosity, laughter, mistakes, play, learning, and growing—not fear.

When pressure replaces passion

Academic pressure today has become relentless. There is pressure to score, compete, be “better than others”, and meet expectations—often expectations that are not even the child’s own.

Somewhere along the way, marks have become more important than minds. Percentages have started mattering more than personalities. Ranks are being celebrated more than resilience.

And unintentionally, many children begin to believe that their worth lies only in numbers.

This belief is dangerous.

A child’s mind is tender—like soft clay. What we press into it today shapes the adult they become tomorrow.

Children Are Not Machines

A child does not grow in straight lines. A child grows like a graph—sometimes rising, sometimes falling, sometimes plateauing. And that is normal. Expecting constant academic excellence from every child is unrealistic and unfair. Some children bloom early, others, later. Some shine in academics, others in arts, sports, communication, leadership, empathy, or creativity. All growth is valid.

When we fixate only on percentages, we forget to ask: Is my child happy? Is my child emotionally safe? Does my child feel loved even when they fail? Does my child feel heard?

A flower blooms naturally when nurtured. If you pull it forcefully, it only withers.

As a professional with over 20 years of teaching experience, I can say this with complete honesty and conviction: I have seen students with very average academic performances go on to reach incredible heights in life. I have seen:

Confident communicators succeed where toppers struggled

Emotionally intelligent children become excellent leaders.

Consistent, hard-working students outperform early “geniuses”.

Children with poor marks but strong values build meaningful, successful lives.

Academic performance alone does not define a person. Marks may open a door—but character, skills, adaptability, discipline, and emotional strength decide how far one goes.

Children’s Needs During Exams

More than pressure, children need:

Reassurance – “You are loved regardless of results.”

Support – “I am here to help you, not judge you.”

Balance – Study, yes. But also rest, play, and sleep.

Trust – Trust that effort matters more than outcome.

One exam does not define a lifetime. When parents remain calm, children feel safe.

When parents panic, children panic more. Children absorb emotions faster than instructions.

Parent, Pause and Reflect

Ask yourself honestly: Am I motivating my child—or frightening them?

Am I guiding—or comparing? Am I supporting—or pressurising? Am I nurturing a human being—or chasing social validation?

Often, pressure does not come from concern alone but from peer pressure, societal comparison, and the urge to flaunt success. But remember—your child is not a trophy. Your child is a life.

Success Is Not A Race

Exams will come and go. Marks will change. Ranks will be forgotten. But the emotional scars of constant pressure can stay for years. Let us raise children who are: Emotionally strong, Confident in their abilities, Unafraid of failure, Curious about learning, and Kind to themselves.

Because a child who feels safe at home can face the world bravely.

This exam season, let us choose compassion over comparison, encouragement over expectation, and understanding over pressure.

Let children grow at their own pace. Let them fall, learn, rise, and evolve. A healthy, happy child will always go further than a stressed, fearful one.

Let childhood blossom like a flower, not wither under the weight of unrealistic demands. Because when we protect their mental and emotional well-being today, we shape stronger, wiser, and more balanced adults tomorrow.

(The writer is a tutor based in Thane. Views personal.)