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By:

Asha Tripathi

14 April 2025 at 1:35:28 pm

Love Isn't Toxic; People Are

Love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. People often say, ‘Love isn't what it used to be.' We hear stories of betrayal, manipulation, ghosting, emotional abuse, and broken promises. It can seem as though love itself has become toxic. But has love really changed, or is it the way people approach relationships that has changed? The truth is that love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. True love is not constant excitement, grand gestures, or perfect romance. It is a...

Love Isn't Toxic; People Are

Love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. People often say, ‘Love isn't what it used to be.' We hear stories of betrayal, manipulation, ghosting, emotional abuse, and broken promises. It can seem as though love itself has become toxic. But has love really changed, or is it the way people approach relationships that has changed? The truth is that love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. True love is not constant excitement, grand gestures, or perfect romance. It is a choice to treat another person with dignity, kindness, and honesty. True love is built on mutual respect, trust and emotional security. It involves respecting each other's feelings, boundaries and individuality, caring for one another through both joyful and difficult times, and building trust through consistent actions rather than empty promises. It is marked by honest communication instead of manipulation or mind games; accepting each other's imperfections while encouraging personal growth; and creating a relationship in which both partners feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgement or rejection. Love is not about controlling someone. It is about helping each other feel valued and secure. Toxic Love Relationships become toxic when fear, insecurity, selfishness or a desire for control replace mutual respect and care. One common cause is unresolved emotional wounds. People who have experienced betrayal, neglect or unhealthy relationships may carry those experiences into new relationships, making them suspicious, controlling or emotionally distant. Unrealistic expectations can also create problems. Films and social media often portray love as a constant state of excitement, whereas real relationships involve routine, disagreements, responsibilities and compromise. When expectations do not match reality, disappointment often follows. Poor communication is another major factor. Instead of discussing problems openly, some people avoid difficult conversations, withdraw emotionally, criticise or manipulate their partners, allowing misunderstandings to deepen. Experts also point to the role of ego. When individuals become more concerned with proving themselves right than understanding their partner's perspective, conflicts become harder to resolve and empathy gives way to confrontation. Fear of abandonment can fuel unhealthy behaviour. Anxiety about losing a partner may manifest as jealousy, possessiveness, constant monitoring or emotional dependence, behaviours that often place further strain on the relationship. A lack of accountability can also damage relationships. Healthy partners acknowledge their mistakes and work to improve, while toxic relationships are often characterised by blame, excuses and an unwillingness to take responsibility. Technology has also changed relationship dynamics. While instant messaging, social media and dating apps have made communication easier, they have also increased opportunities for comparison, insecurity and the pursuit of constant validation, creating new pressures for many couples. True Love Despite growing cynicism about modern relationships, true love still exists. It may seem rare because it requires qualities that are not always easy to practise, including patience, maturity, honesty, consistency and emotional responsibility. True love is not found in perfect people. Rather, it is created by two imperfect individuals who consistently choose respect over control, honesty over deception, and understanding over ego. Healthy Love Healthy love brings more peace than confusion. It does not mean there will never be disagreements. Instead, both partners work through them without humiliating or harming each other. In a healthy relationship, both partners feel respected rather than controlled and heard rather than dismissed. Trust is built through consistent actions rather than promises alone, creating a sense of security and reliability. Healthy relationships also allow individuals to express themselves freely without fear of judgement while encouraging both partners to grow as individuals even as they strengthen their relationship together. Love itself has never become toxic. Fear, insecurity, dishonesty, and emotional immaturity make relationships toxic. True love is not measured by how intensely someone says, "I love you." It is measured by how consistently they show respect, care, honesty, and responsibility. At its best, love is not about possessing another person. It is about creating a space where two people feel safe, appreciated, and free to become the best versions of themselves. When respect disappears, love begins to fade. But when respect, trust and kindness remain, love has the chance to endure. In the end, love is measured not by grand declarations but by everyday acts of honesty, care and commitment. (The writer is an educator based in Thane. Views personal.)

BJP Boost

Updated: Oct 22, 2024

As the dust settles over the recent Assembly elections, the BJP, defying anti-incumbency prediction of political Cassandras and exit polls, is set for a historic third term in Haryana. This will buoy the party after its underwhelming performance in the Lok Sabha polls. The Haryana outcome not only reinforces the BJP’s foothold in national politics but also presents a counter-narrative to the INDIA bloc’s post-election fervour.

Despite the bogey stoked by lingering farmer protests and discontent surrounding the controversial Agniveer scheme, the BJP strategically diversified its approach, relying not solely on Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s star power—evidenced by his reduced number of rallies—but also on a ground-level consolidation of anti-Jat votes. The Congress’s over-reliance on the Jat community backfired, rallying other groups against it. Interestingly, the Dalit vote, which the Congress anticipated would tilt in its favour, has not completely abandoned the BJP.


At the forefront of the BJP's campaign was Chief Minister Nayab Singh Saini, whose relatively short tenure allowed him to distance himself from the decade-long rule of the previous administration. By introducing measures to benefit the backward classes, including a significant income limit increase for OBC employment from Rs. 6 lakh to Rs. 8 lakh, the BJP effectively shifted the narrative in its favour. Their mantra of ‘bina parchi, bina kharchi Naukri (promising jobs without bribes) resonated with voters.


The BJP’s rejuvenated team, led by key figures such as Union Minister Dharmendra Pradhan and state leaders, has seemingly addressed concerns that arose following its poor showing in the Lok Sabha elections. The incorporation of new candidates in place of established leaders provided a fresh face that contrasted sharply with the Congress’s decision to recycle incumbents.


In contrast, in Jammu and Kashmir, the National Conference, in alliance with the Congress, having crossed the majority threshold, reclaimed its historic dominance and is set to form the government. Here, the BJP’s performance in the first Assembly election held after the abrogation of Article 370, fell short despite its strenuous attempt to position itself as a proponent of development.


The electorate’s apparent rejection of hardline factions like the PDP reflects a nuanced response and win for democracy. Notably, the results have shown a significant rejection of separatist candidates, including those from Engineer Rashid-led Awami Ittehad Party and Jamaat-e-Islami, who failed to make a meaningful impact in the polls.


The BJP’s emphatic victory in Haryana redeems its Lok Sabha misstep but also signals a broader political resurgence, giving the party renewed vigour to march into future contests like the crucial Maharashtra Assembly election.

 
 
 

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