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By:

Asha Tripathi

14 April 2025 at 1:35:28 pm

Love Isn't Toxic; People Are

Love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. People often say, ‘Love isn't what it used to be.' We hear stories of betrayal, manipulation, ghosting, emotional abuse, and broken promises. It can seem as though love itself has become toxic. But has love really changed, or is it the way people approach relationships that has changed? The truth is that love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. True love is not constant excitement, grand gestures, or perfect romance. It is a...

Love Isn't Toxic; People Are

Love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. People often say, ‘Love isn't what it used to be.' We hear stories of betrayal, manipulation, ghosting, emotional abuse, and broken promises. It can seem as though love itself has become toxic. But has love really changed, or is it the way people approach relationships that has changed? The truth is that love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. True love is not constant excitement, grand gestures, or perfect romance. It is a choice to treat another person with dignity, kindness, and honesty. True love is built on mutual respect, trust and emotional security. It involves respecting each other's feelings, boundaries and individuality, caring for one another through both joyful and difficult times, and building trust through consistent actions rather than empty promises. It is marked by honest communication instead of manipulation or mind games; accepting each other's imperfections while encouraging personal growth; and creating a relationship in which both partners feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgement or rejection. Love is not about controlling someone. It is about helping each other feel valued and secure. Toxic Love Relationships become toxic when fear, insecurity, selfishness or a desire for control replace mutual respect and care. One common cause is unresolved emotional wounds. People who have experienced betrayal, neglect or unhealthy relationships may carry those experiences into new relationships, making them suspicious, controlling or emotionally distant. Unrealistic expectations can also create problems. Films and social media often portray love as a constant state of excitement, whereas real relationships involve routine, disagreements, responsibilities and compromise. When expectations do not match reality, disappointment often follows. Poor communication is another major factor. Instead of discussing problems openly, some people avoid difficult conversations, withdraw emotionally, criticise or manipulate their partners, allowing misunderstandings to deepen. Experts also point to the role of ego. When individuals become more concerned with proving themselves right than understanding their partner's perspective, conflicts become harder to resolve and empathy gives way to confrontation. Fear of abandonment can fuel unhealthy behaviour. Anxiety about losing a partner may manifest as jealousy, possessiveness, constant monitoring or emotional dependence, behaviours that often place further strain on the relationship. A lack of accountability can also damage relationships. Healthy partners acknowledge their mistakes and work to improve, while toxic relationships are often characterised by blame, excuses and an unwillingness to take responsibility. Technology has also changed relationship dynamics. While instant messaging, social media and dating apps have made communication easier, they have also increased opportunities for comparison, insecurity and the pursuit of constant validation, creating new pressures for many couples. True Love Despite growing cynicism about modern relationships, true love still exists. It may seem rare because it requires qualities that are not always easy to practise, including patience, maturity, honesty, consistency and emotional responsibility. True love is not found in perfect people. Rather, it is created by two imperfect individuals who consistently choose respect over control, honesty over deception, and understanding over ego. Healthy Love Healthy love brings more peace than confusion. It does not mean there will never be disagreements. Instead, both partners work through them without humiliating or harming each other. In a healthy relationship, both partners feel respected rather than controlled and heard rather than dismissed. Trust is built through consistent actions rather than promises alone, creating a sense of security and reliability. Healthy relationships also allow individuals to express themselves freely without fear of judgement while encouraging both partners to grow as individuals even as they strengthen their relationship together. Love itself has never become toxic. Fear, insecurity, dishonesty, and emotional immaturity make relationships toxic. True love is not measured by how intensely someone says, "I love you." It is measured by how consistently they show respect, care, honesty, and responsibility. At its best, love is not about possessing another person. It is about creating a space where two people feel safe, appreciated, and free to become the best versions of themselves. When respect disappears, love begins to fade. But when respect, trust and kindness remain, love has the chance to endure. In the end, love is measured not by grand declarations but by everyday acts of honesty, care and commitment. (The writer is an educator based in Thane. Views personal.)

Gamble and the Challenge

Updated: Nov 18, 2024

Eknath Shinde

As Maharashtra eagerly anticipates the election results on November 23, one name dominates political discussions: Chief Minister Eknath Shinde. Known for his bold moves, Shinde has reshaped the state’s political dynamics in unprecedented ways. In June 2022, Shinde set the stage for upheaval when he, along with several MLAs, left for Surat, plunging the coalition government into crisis. Just days later, with the BJP’s support, he assumed the role of chief minister, marking a shift no one saw coming.


The Maharashtra Vikas Aghadi, a coalition formed in 2019 by Shiv Sena, Congress, and NCP, had governed Maharashtra until Shinde’s exit. The impact of this political drama on state politics cannot be understated, as Shinde’s departure led to the fall of the MVA government. Over the past two years, Shinde has defied expectations, run a successful government while demonstrating independence from the BJP—a scenario few anticipated. His political acumen has now positioned him as a rising figure in BJP’s inner circle, potentially posing a challenge to BJP stalwart Devendra Fadnavis.


For Shinde, this election marks a crucial turning point. His objective is clear: securing wins for as many of his candidates as possible, solidifying his position in Maharashtra’s political landscape. However, the real test lies beyond the election results. In a political era where party loyalty is fluid, Shinde’s task will be to retain the loyalty of the elected MLAs.


Shinde’s journey from auto-rickshaw driver to prominent Shiv Sena leader has endeared him to the people, especially in Thane. Known for his humble behavior, he has built strong connections across all levels, from party workers to local households. However, this simplicity has led some BJP leaders to underestimate him. Now, even his allies realize that Shinde’s strategic mind and influence extend far beyond appearances.


One of Shinde’s significant achievements has been implementing the ‘Ladki Bahin Yojana,’ an initiative originally from Madhya Pradesh’s BJP government, which gained immense popularity in Maharashtra. This move not only showcases his keen sense of public sentiment but also distances him from his allies by establishing his independent policy-making approach.


Despite his growing influence, Shinde faces a challenge from the grassroots Shiv Sainiks who view him as a “traitor” for breaking with the Uddhav Balasaheb Thackeray (UBT) faction. Recasting the narrative behind his decision to part ways with UBT will be essential if he hopes to gain widespread voter support.


Emphasizing his motivations and successes, particularly with initiatives like the ‘Ladki Bahin Yojana,’ may help him connect with skeptical constituents.


With solid connections at the local level and rapport with senior BJP leaders like Prime Minister Modi and Home Minister Amit Shah, Shinde’s influence is likely to endure. This election will ultimately test Shinde’s leadership, resilience, and ability to navigate Maharashtra’s intricate political landscape. As Maharashtra’s political future hangs in the balance, Shinde stands at the forefront, steering the state’s uncertain course with both determination and ambition.

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