Protecting Innocent Souls

Some crimes against women get reported, while others don’t hit the headlines. In some cases, massive protests break out to demand justice for a victim, while others don’t even make it to newspapers.

Child sexual abuse has been discussed endlessly and forgotten. When I think about it, I remember a close female friend. At the age of 18 years, she shared the darkest memory of her childhood with me. She said she was sexually abused at barely age 5 by a trusted neighbour. The neighbours volunteered to take care of her while her parents had to be out for some urgent work when the uncle in that house sexually molested her. Only when she entered her teens did she open up to her mother, whose reaction was sympathetic yet fearful of the “Log kya kahenge.”

Contrary to the popular notion that a young, seductive female attracts the man and, even worse, "invites" the sexual abuse on herself. Children as young as two and three years old are also not spared.

Mumbai-based clinical psychologist Manasi Joshi draws attention to several factors that parents of primary and pre-primary-age children need to take care of:

Hear them out with patience

Only when children experience non-judgemental and patient listening regularly will they be able to share difficult experiences with their parents, says Manasi. Believe them when they are complaining of any inappropriate touches or discomfort with any of the adults even when they are the people you trust. Because, unfortunately, the people who engage in such acts with children are almost never strangers. Almost always they are even family members like an elder cousin brother, or an uncle, van drivers, school peons, etc., as it doesn’t raise anyone’s eyebrows or create any suspicion. Communication between children and parents is the only way to identify if the child is going through any major crisis.

No keeping secrets

These so-called trusted individuals engage in a pact of secrecy with kids and either lure them with gifts or threaten them with harm. Hence parents have to be cautious and teach their children that they need to report to anyone telling them that this is a secret between you and me. This also will happen only if communication is transparent and non-judgemental.

Sex education

Manasi said, “Schools offer sex education at the age of 12 or 13, which is too late. By that time, children have learnt through inappropriate means and have suffered the consequences of ignorance. Gender sensitisation, appropriate and inappropriate touch, and moral, social, and psychological consequences need to be taught rather than just about menstruation and biological aspects.

Young children are often taught about ‘good touch' and bad touch’ which is very objectionable in my opinion. An inappropriate touch may have felt good at the point it took place. Children are often confused about what is a good touch, in what situation, in what context, and to whom that touch is good or bad. It should rather be simplified for the children, and we must make them understand what their private parts are and that no one except parents and doctors can't touch these parts of their body under any circumstances. “No child should be forced to sit on someone’s lap or give someone a peck on the cheek if the child is not okay with it. Teach the concept of consent early: Don't touch anyone without their permission, and no one should touch you without yours."

Parents need to be alert and watchful for any behavioural changes that can raise an alarm of something unforeseen. Look for any changes in sleep, appetite, or play. Manasi said, “Ask questions, believe your child, and respond to your child’s fears with support and sincerity.”

What Manasi also underlines is the belief in the goodness of the world and people in general while being aware and concerned about the possibility of danger. Constant warnings do not help children; they, in fact, make them fearful. A healthy dialogue with a strong foundation of open communication is more than enough instead of daily reminders.