Self-imposed Celibacy

These are not the celebrities ostentatiously delaying marriage, nor are they couples in live-in relationships, priests or ascetics. Instead, they are men and women who have consciously chosen to stay single, rejecting the idea of marrying a farmer or a man earning less than their salaried counterparts.

In rural Maharashtra, a generation of men and women in their 40s is opting to remain unmarried, challenging long-held traditions that prioritize early marriage. This trend, particularly noticeable in the last decade, has escalated in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. Once restrictions were lifted, mass weddings took place—but they were largely for the working class. This shift has ignited discussions about how careers, social expectations, and changing attitudes are reshaping marriage in these communities.

At the heart of this shift is 85-year-old Ratnakar Pagare, a veteran community organizer from Sangamner. Through his Vadhu-Var Suchak Mandal, which connects educated professionals, he has witnessed many women, particularly from the tech sector, reject marriage proposals from farmers, despite their parents’ desire for a rural, land-rich life. For these women, the allure of a city-based career far outweighs the appeal of rural living.

Women raised in urban areas are increasingly rejecting the prospect of farm life, despite its potential for significant financial returns. Interestingly, it is often the mothers of these women who are the real deterrents, discouraging their daughters from marrying farmers, fearing that rural life would hinder their daughters’ career ambitions.

This issue goes beyond individual preferences and speaks to deeper societal shifts. An anonymous political leader from the region points to a worrying trend: in some communities, nearly 98 percent of families are fixated on securing an heir to their property, but the new generation of educated women is increasingly uninterested in this traditional expectation. They are prioritizing their careers over family life, even if it means foregoing marriage.

The allure of urban life, with its promise of career stability and high-paying jobs, has only intensified this shift. The relative financial security of city-based jobs—often tied to the IT sector—has further discouraged rural men and women from considering marriage. For these urban dwellers, the prospect of returning to their ancestral land seems less appealing.

The rapid pace of urban development has contributed to a disconnect from rural life. This growing urbanization has made village life seem less desirable while the constant migration to cities and, increasingly, abroad, offers an escape from what many see as a stagnant rural economy.

But while urban life offers a degree of financial assurance, it is not without its emotional toll. Dr. Neha Kode, a psychologist from Nashik, warns that the decision to remain unmarried can result in feelings of inferiority and depression, particularly for men. In rural areas, where family and community often define an individual’s identity, the absence of marriage can lead to stigma, and in some cases, suicidal thoughts. She argues that the emotional impact of this societal shift deserves attention and calls for a broader debate in Maharashtra’s Legislative Assembly.

As the desire for professional success and financial stability continues to shape the lives of rural women in Maharashtra, the question remains: will the institution of marriage ever return to its traditional form, or is this a permanent transformation in the way people approach family life in India? The generational divide is clear, and its implications are only beginning to unfold. In rural Maharashtra, it seems, the future of marriage may no longer be shaped by tradition, but by the choices of a new, career-focused generation.

(The author is a senior journalist. Views personal.)