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By:

Asha Tripathi

14 April 2025 at 1:35:28 pm

Love Isn't Toxic; People Are

Love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. People often say, ‘Love isn't what it used to be.' We hear stories of betrayal, manipulation, ghosting, emotional abuse, and broken promises. It can seem as though love itself has become toxic. But has love really changed, or is it the way people approach relationships that has changed? The truth is that love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. True love is not constant excitement, grand gestures, or perfect romance. It is a...

Love Isn't Toxic; People Are

Love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. People often say, ‘Love isn't what it used to be.' We hear stories of betrayal, manipulation, ghosting, emotional abuse, and broken promises. It can seem as though love itself has become toxic. But has love really changed, or is it the way people approach relationships that has changed? The truth is that love has never been the problem. Human behaviour has. True love is not constant excitement, grand gestures, or perfect romance. It is a choice to treat another person with dignity, kindness, and honesty. True love is built on mutual respect, trust and emotional security. It involves respecting each other's feelings, boundaries and individuality, caring for one another through both joyful and difficult times, and building trust through consistent actions rather than empty promises. It is marked by honest communication instead of manipulation or mind games; accepting each other's imperfections while encouraging personal growth; and creating a relationship in which both partners feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgement or rejection. Love is not about controlling someone. It is about helping each other feel valued and secure. Toxic Love Relationships become toxic when fear, insecurity, selfishness or a desire for control replace mutual respect and care. One common cause is unresolved emotional wounds. People who have experienced betrayal, neglect or unhealthy relationships may carry those experiences into new relationships, making them suspicious, controlling or emotionally distant. Unrealistic expectations can also create problems. Films and social media often portray love as a constant state of excitement, whereas real relationships involve routine, disagreements, responsibilities and compromise. When expectations do not match reality, disappointment often follows. Poor communication is another major factor. Instead of discussing problems openly, some people avoid difficult conversations, withdraw emotionally, criticise or manipulate their partners, allowing misunderstandings to deepen. Experts also point to the role of ego. When individuals become more concerned with proving themselves right than understanding their partner's perspective, conflicts become harder to resolve and empathy gives way to confrontation. Fear of abandonment can fuel unhealthy behaviour. Anxiety about losing a partner may manifest as jealousy, possessiveness, constant monitoring or emotional dependence, behaviours that often place further strain on the relationship. A lack of accountability can also damage relationships. Healthy partners acknowledge their mistakes and work to improve, while toxic relationships are often characterised by blame, excuses and an unwillingness to take responsibility. Technology has also changed relationship dynamics. While instant messaging, social media and dating apps have made communication easier, they have also increased opportunities for comparison, insecurity and the pursuit of constant validation, creating new pressures for many couples. True Love Despite growing cynicism about modern relationships, true love still exists. It may seem rare because it requires qualities that are not always easy to practise, including patience, maturity, honesty, consistency and emotional responsibility. True love is not found in perfect people. Rather, it is created by two imperfect individuals who consistently choose respect over control, honesty over deception, and understanding over ego. Healthy Love Healthy love brings more peace than confusion. It does not mean there will never be disagreements. Instead, both partners work through them without humiliating or harming each other. In a healthy relationship, both partners feel respected rather than controlled and heard rather than dismissed. Trust is built through consistent actions rather than promises alone, creating a sense of security and reliability. Healthy relationships also allow individuals to express themselves freely without fear of judgement while encouraging both partners to grow as individuals even as they strengthen their relationship together. Love itself has never become toxic. Fear, insecurity, dishonesty, and emotional immaturity make relationships toxic. True love is not measured by how intensely someone says, "I love you." It is measured by how consistently they show respect, care, honesty, and responsibility. At its best, love is not about possessing another person. It is about creating a space where two people feel safe, appreciated, and free to become the best versions of themselves. When respect disappears, love begins to fade. But when respect, trust and kindness remain, love has the chance to endure. In the end, love is measured not by grand declarations but by everyday acts of honesty, care and commitment. (The writer is an educator based in Thane. Views personal.)

The Fine Line Between Stress and Anxiety

A shocking incident in Chhatrapati Sambhajinagar has shaken not only Maharashtra but also the conscience of society. An underage student allegedly attacked his class teacher with a knife after being upset over failing the Class IX examination. Although the teacher sustained injuries, the deeper wounds were inflicted on our education system, the sacred bond between teachers and students, and the values that hold society together. This was not merely an attack on an individual-it was an assault on the very foundation of our culture and moral upbringing.


How did a book in a student's hand get replaced by a knife? How did disappointment turn into violence at such a young age? Why has failure become a reason for revenge instead of an opportunity for learning? These are questions that demand serious introspection. Dismissing this incident as an isolated case would be a grave mistake. Indian culture has always placed teachers next only to parents, regarding them as guides who shape not just academic success but character and life itself. A teacher's responsibility often requires making difficult decisions in the best interests of students. Failing a student is never an act of personal vengeance; it is an academic decision intended to encourage improvement. However, when such a decision is perceived as a personal insult and answered with violence, society must pause and examine where it has gone wrong. Today's generation is undoubtedly more informed, technologically advanced, and intellectually capable than ever before. Yet, many psychologists warn that emotional resilience among young people is steadily declining. Children are taught how to succeed but rarely how to cope with failure. As a result, when setbacks occur, some become depressed, some lose hope, and others express their frustration through aggression and violence.


Responsibility for this situation cannot rest solely on students. Parents, schools, society, the media, and every one of us share a part of the blame. Many parents invest heavily in their children's education, providing them with the best schools, gadgets, and comforts. However, they often fail to invest time in understanding their children's emotions. Expensive smartphones and laptops cannot replace meaningful conversations. Financial prosperity has increased, but emotional connectivity within families has diminished. The influence of smartphones and social media has dramatically transformed the world of adolescents. Violent content, revenge-driven narratives, aggressive behaviour, and the lure of instant fame are constantly displayed before impressionable minds. Over time, the line between fiction and reality begins to blur. Instead of learning patience, tolerance, and dialogue, many young people become accustomed to reacting impulsively. Inevitably, this influences their behaviour.


Schools, too, must move beyond merely teaching textbooks. Education should focus equally on emotional intelligence, resilience, conflict resolution, and anger management. Students must learn that failure is not the end of life but a stepping stone toward success. Every educational institution should have an effective counselling system to identify emotional distress at an early stage. Teachers should also receive regular training to understand the changing psychology of today's students and to respond with empathy and professionalism. The growing intolerance visible across society cannot be ignored either. News of assaults, road rage, knife attacks, and murders over trivial disputes has become alarmingly common. Children observe these behaviours and unconsciously absorb them. They imitate what adults practise rather than what they preach. Therefore, before questioning the mindset of the younger generation, society must honestly examine its own conduct.


This incident also serves as a wake-up call for policymakers and the education system. Schools must prioritise students' mental health through regular counselling, strengthen value-based education, encourage meaningful parent-teacher communication, and improve campus security. These measures are no longer optional-they have become essential. The issue extends far beyond one teacher and one student. It concerns the future of India itself. Our nation's greatest strength is its youth. If they grow up with compassion, patience, discipline, and strong values, the country's future will remain secure. But if anger, intolerance, and revenge continue to dominate young minds, no amount of economic or technological progress will be enough to safeguard society.


Time to Wake Up

  • Make trained counsellors mandatory in every school.

  • Give equal importance to value education, emotional learning, and life skills in the curriculum.

  • Encourage regular and meaningful communication between parents and children.

  • Ensure responsible monitoring of students' smartphone and social media usage.

  • Strengthen safety measures for teachers and educational institutions.

  • Teach students that failure is not the end-it is the beginning of a new opportunity.

  • There is still time to act-but not enough time to delay.


(The writer is Assistant Professor, Dayanand College of Commerce, Latur. Views personal.)

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