The Vanishing Value of Courtesy

People are increasingly connected through technology but less connected through human warmth.

Courtesy plays a crucial role in individual development, social welfare and national building. In an age of rapid technological advancement, social media debates, political disagreements and increasing competition, courtesy, humility and politeness establish our cultural presentation. Unfortunately, these qualities appear to be disappearing from everyday life. People are increasingly connected through technology but less connected through human warmth. A polite word, respectful gesture, patient hearing and humble attitude may appear insignificant but possess extraordinary power to transform relationships and society. Courtesy is a social formality. Humility is not weakness. Politeness is not submission. They express emotional intelligence, self-discipline and human dignity. A truly educated person knows how to treat others with dignity, not merely possess degrees and knowledge.

Literature has recognised the moral power of humility. Shakespeare's works demonstrate how pride can destroy individuals, while wisdom and compassion can restore relationships. In King Lear, Lear's journey from arrogance to humility begins with his expectation of obedience and praise. Suffering teaches him empathy and the value of ordinary people. Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice similarly presents Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy's transformation. Darcy's pride prevents him from understanding others, while Elizabeth's prejudice prevents her from seeing his true character. Both change through self-reflection and humility.

Indian literature offers similar examples. Saint Tukaram placed humility and compassion at the centre of his teachings. The Bhakti tradition challenged social arrogance and emphasised individual dignity, reminding us that spiritual greatness is inseparable from humility. The Ramayana provides an enduring example through Lord Rama, whose conduct reflects respect for elders, compassion, restraint and responsibility. Whether viewed as religious literature or a cultural text, it illustrates that greatness can be accompanied by humility.

Courtesy is both a moral and cultural concept with a scientific basis. Research in psychology and neuroscience suggests that respectful interaction influences emotional well-being. Humans respond to facial expressions, tone, gestures and interpersonal behaviour. A harsh word can trigger stress and defensiveness, while a kind word creates psychological safety. Social rejection and humiliation can cause genuine distress, while positive interaction promotes trust, belonging and emotional security. Modern leadership studies emphasise emotional intelligence, empathy, self-awareness and relationship management. A leader who listens and acknowledges others' contributions is generally more effective than one who relies exclusively on authority. Courtesy improves workplace teamwork, while students learn more effectively when teachers combine discipline with respect and encouragement.

In the Indian context, respectful behaviour has traditionally been important. Namaste, Dhanyavad, Kripaya, respectful forms of addressing elders, Atithi Devo Bhava and Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam reflect this understanding. These ideas become meaningful when practised in everyday life. Yet contemporary public life presents a different picture: road rage, aggressive political arguments, online trolling, disrespect towards public servants, impatience in queues and rude workplace interactions are increasingly common. Social media has complicated matters because people say things online that they would hesitate to say face to face. Digital anonymity can remove natural restraint and make people forget the human being behind a profile or photograph.

There is a misconception that politeness indicates weakness. Controlling one's anger requires greater strength than expressing it. Anyone can shout, insult and react impulsively; maturity is required to remain calm when provoked. Gandhi's philosophy of non-violence provides a profound example. His insistence on dignity, restraint and dialogue demonstrated that moral strength does not require aggression. Dr A. P. J. Abdul Kalam was admired for his scientific achievements, humility and ability to interact with students and ordinary citizens.

Courtesy begins with small habits: holding a door, allowing others to speak, thanking a worker, respecting a security guard, helping an elderly person, acknowledging a colleague's contribution or apologising when wrong. Such acts may appear ordinary, but civilisation is built through them. A teacher who encourages questions can foster intellectual curiosity, while a dismissive response may silence a student for months. A manager who publicly humiliates an employee may create fear, whereas one who privately explains a mistake and offers guidance creates loyalty and learning. Courtesy therefore has institutional value in classrooms, offices, hospitals, government departments and public spaces.

The modern world celebrates achievement and degrees, but achievement without humility can become arrogance. Isaac Newton's metaphor of seeing farther by standing on the shoulders of giants reflects the scholarly virtue that no achievement exists in isolation. Courtesy should not be restricted to formal occasions; it should become a habit. Teachers can cultivate courteous classrooms and institutions can promote dignity and inclusion.

A society does not become civilised through skyscrapers, highways, universities and advanced technology alone. It becomes civilised when people learn to respect one another. Courtesy is the language of respect. Politeness is the discipline of speech. Humility is the recognition of our limitations. It creates trust, cooperation and social harmony.

(The writer is an assistant professor of English literature. Views personal.)