Solo, alone or lonely?

Just before the din of elections began, Ratan Tata ruled the news—print, electronic or digital. Everyone had a tribute to pay—for his visionary contribution to India Inc, generous philanthropy and his unconditional love for street dogs. All that was said or written about him made one admire Ratan Tata a little more. But what stood out for me amidst this ocean of tributes to the public persona was his candid and honest admission about loneliness which plagues several but is admitted by few. A consultant who worked closely with him acknowledged that Tata was very lonely despite the huge workforce and a fairly large extended family. In a famous television interview way back in 1997, the industrialist had confessed that he missed having a wife and children because without a family, life could get very lonesome. That admission made him even more endearing, made this towering figure feel like he resonated with us, regular people who carry on with their lives.

Loneliness is an epidemic that’s sweeping across the world and even in India. Last November, the World Health Organisation declared loneliness to be “pressing global threat” with a US-based surgeon likening the chances of mortality due to loneliness to the possibility of death by smoking 15 cigarettes a day. WHO’s report even described it as hunger or thirst or “something the body needs for survival but is missing.” In India, like with many parts of the world, loneliness is growing into a public health and social concern exacerbated by changing social and familial structures, migrations of the younger generation and lifestyle changes, loneliness is fast catching on as a widespread phenomenon.

The statistics are alarming, if not staggering. Various studies throw different numbers—if some state that 25 percent of older adults the world over feel lonely, another 2023 report shows that more than 20 percent of people aged over 45 in India have faced loneliness.

One could blame the “western influence” of children flying out of the proverbial nest as a reason for parents to feel lonely. The great Indian joint family, with its own set of inter personal dynamics and complications, still offered more faces to see than what nuclear families have. Independence and freedom felt during youth can turn into loneliness later in life, if social structure crumble. As we grow older, friends get busy with their lives, parents and relatives pass away and loneliness can strike. But the feeling isn’t reserved only for the elderly. Even adolescents feel lonely! I have wondered if that’s even possible—teenage years are all about friends, late-night phone calls and hanging out with pals while juggling family and studies. But apparently no. And the reason is quite obviously, our changing lifestyle.

Gadgets and virtual interactions have replaced real world communication; hugs have made way for emojis and friendships are forged on social platforms. People live their lives virtually rather than make meaningful conversations with family members sitting next to them. With time, relationships crumble, leaving one lonely. The Great American Dream has seen people leave behind an ageing generation here in India with no one to look after them. Many are averse to homes for the aged or community living, preferring solitude.

In recent times, I have met numerous people who complain of or fear loneliness. But is it only a personal issue? A senior psychiatrist spoke about how it’s a public health concern because loneliness can lead to nervous breakdowns, depression and even Alzheimer’s. Society and communities need to step in. Support groups and community living ventures can help. Young people can spend time with lonely elders. A change in attitude will allow widowed, single or divorced elders to find companionship with worrying about society frowning upon their choices.

But let’s not wait for attitudinal changes or formal initiatives. We can all make a small difference like what three young people did when they launched Goodfellows that encourages young people to spend time with “grandpals” or the elders. Change begins at home—keep the phone aside and chat with your grandparents, share a laugh with your parents, watch a movie together with a lonely aunt or uncle and pick a hobby while you’re still young. It’ll come handy when there’s no one around. For, solo holidays and lonesome living is fun for a while. But loneliness is an ailment that we all can avoid.