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By:

Asha Tripathi

14 April 2025 at 1:35:28 pm

Stop Comparing, Start Growing

Success does not grow in comparison; it grows in focus. Over the years, women have made significant strides in every sphere of life. From managing homes to leading organisations, from nurturing families to building successful careers, women have proved that strength and resilience are deeply rooted in their nature. Financial independence has become a significant milestone for many women today, bringing with it confidence, dignity, and the freedom to shape one’s own destiny. However, along...

Stop Comparing, Start Growing

Success does not grow in comparison; it grows in focus. Over the years, women have made significant strides in every sphere of life. From managing homes to leading organisations, from nurturing families to building successful careers, women have proved that strength and resilience are deeply rooted in their nature. Financial independence has become a significant milestone for many women today, bringing with it confidence, dignity, and the freedom to shape one’s own destiny. However, along with growth has come another silent challenge — the tendency to constantly observe, compare, and sometimes even compete with the journeys of others. But a crucial question arises: Is it necessary to track the growth of others in order to grow ourselves? From my personal experience of more than two decades as an entrepreneur, I have realised something very powerful — true growth begins the moment we stop looking sideways and start looking within. A Small Beginning I had a flourishing career of teaching abroad, but when I restarted my career after moving back to India, my beginning was extremely small. My very first assignment was a simple home tuition for a single student, and the amount I earned was meagre. There was nothing glamorous about it. No recognition, no large batches, no big earnings. Just one student and one opportunity. But instead of worrying about how others were doing, how many students they had, or how much they were earning, I made a conscious decision—my only focus would be on improving myself. I focused on teaching better, preparing better, and becoming more disciplined and consistent. And slowly, without even realising it, things began to grow. One student became two, two became a small group, and gradually, over the years, the work expanded beyond what I had initially imagined. Looking back today, I can confidently say that the growth did not happen because I competed with others. It happened because I competed with myself yesterday. Comparison Creates Noise When we keep watching others' journeys too closely, we unknowingly divert our own energy. Comparison creates unnecessary noise in our minds. It brings doubts, insecurities, and sometimes even negativity. Instead of walking our own path with clarity, we start questioning our speed, our direction, and our worth. True success grows through focus, not comparison. Every woman has her own story, her own pace, and her own struggles that others may never see. The path of one person can never be identical to another's. So comparing journeys is like comparing two different rivers flowing towards the same ocean — each with its own route, its own curves, and its own rhythm. As women, we already carry many responsibilities. We balance emotions, relationships, work, and society's expectations. In such a life, the last thing we need is the burden of comparison with one another. Instead, what we truly need is support for each other. When women encourage women, something extraordinary happens. Confidence grows. Opportunities multiply. Strength becomes collective rather than individual. There is enough space in the world for every woman to create her own identity. Each of us can build our own niche without stepping on someone else's path. Choose Encouragement Envy weakens us, but encouragement empowers us. Rather than questioning how someone else is progressing, we can ask a more meaningful question: "How can I grow a little better than I was yesterday?" Lift As You Rise Today, after twenty years of experience, the most valuable lesson I have learned is simple yet profound — focus on your own work with honesty and dedication, and success will quietly follow you. We, women, are capable, resilient, and creative. We do not need to pull each other down or compete in unhealthy ways. Instead, we can lift each other up while building our own dreams. Because when one woman rises, she does not rise alone. She inspires many others to believe that they can rise, too. And perhaps that is the most beautiful form of success. (The writer is a tutor based in Thane. Views personal.)

Trauma beneath the burqa

Sunni Muslim women seek ban on polygamy

Representational image | Pic: PTI
Representational image | Pic: PTI

Mumbai: A landmark survey among Sunni Muslim women living in polygamous marriages has exposed a deep and dark pattern of emotional, economical and social injustice besides severe health constraints, all of which combine to arrest the progress of the community, especially among the economically weaker sections.

 

Conducted between July-November by Bhartiya Muslim Mahila Andolan, the alarming study of 2,508 Sunni Muslim women in 7 states found that polygamy was more widespread than earlier believed, said BMMA co-founders Zakia Soman and Noorjehan Niaz. Present were Indian Muslims for Secular Democracy (IMSD) activists like Javed Anand, Feroze Mithiborwala and some victims of polygamy.

 

Of the 2,508 veiled respondents, a shocking 87 pc (2,188) said that their husbands had 2 wives, 10 pc (259) reported husbands with 3 wives, and the remaining 3 pc (61) revealed their husbands had 4 or more wives.

 

Signalling a historic shift on the perceived ills of polygamy, 87 pc of all the women demanded the application of IPC 494/BNSS 86 on polygamous Sunni Muslim men and 86 pc want full codification of Muslim Personal Law with legal protection, transparency and accountability, said Soman and Niaz.

 

The eye-opener survey found that the first and second wives in such marriages were aged between 31-50, and 59 pc had only secondary school education, with accompanying acute financial insecurity. 65 pc of the first wives earned less than Rs 5000/month, the rest had no income, and the second wives’ economic conditions were even worse.

 

The situation of the first wives was pitiable from the time of marriage -  84 pc of them had no income, and later, 79 pc of all the women had nil income, 61 pc first wife and 32 pc second wife never received ‘Mehr’, and those who did, the amounts were as piddly as Rs 786 (30 pc) and around Rs 5,000 (43 pc).

 

Against this, 32 pc of the first wives coughed out dowry (between Rs 50,000-Rs 200,000), though the incidence of dowry was much lesser among the second wives, with the polygamy plague affecting an estimated 20 pc of the Sunni Muslims community, who comprise around 88 pc of the total Islam followers in India.

 

Though 97 pc of the BMMA surveyed women admitted that the formal consent (‘Qubool Hai’) for marriage was taken by the Qazi, 83 pc never read their ‘Nikaah-nama’ (marriage certificate) and 38 pc had no idea of the crucial document that was held by their husbands/relatives.

 

They further revealed that at the time of ‘Nikaah’, a staggering 60 pc of the men were educated till Class X or less, 66 pc earned meagre (below Rs 20,000/month), and while first wives were usually saddled with lower-income families, the second wives hitched onto men who were more stable financially, said the BMMA study.

 

With families crumbling, 47 pc first wives returned to their parents’ homes but depended on them or charity for survival as 40 pc of all women received no maintenance and 5 pc got less than Rs 2000/month.

 

The second wives also didn’t fare better – 29 pc faced desertion as husbands rejoined the first wife - though a total 89 pc of all Sunni Muslim women confirmed that the scourge of ‘Triple Talaq’ has declined, indicating that legal reform can help transform lives.

 

“The study unequivocally concludes that polygamy causes profound emotional trauma, economic deprivation and psychological harm, kids suffer, religion is misused to justify injustice while the Islamic tenets of justice, compassion and fairness are discarded,” said the BMMA leaders.

 

Polygamous ‘cloak-and-dagger’ kills families

Usually, secrecy shrouds second weddings - 88 pc of the first wives rued their permission was not sought, and 85 percent were never even informed by the husband. On the other hand, 68 pc of second wives were aware of the first wife, but the remaining (32 pc) were tricked into marriage.

 

The husbands’ patriarchal arguments for a second wife included – 31 pc claiming to ‘love’ some other woman, 30 pc justifying it as an Islamic religious right, infertility, for begetting a son or family pressures, while 17 pc cited no reasons at all for repeat matrimony – and 13 pc men resorted to plain deception to lure their second wives, claiming either divorce, desertion or death by the first wife.

 

Not surprisingly, an overwhelming majority of the Sunni Muslim women trapped in polygamy want the practice legally banned, and even in the purported ‘exceptions’ (infertility, terminal illness or incompatibility), most abhor re-marriage as the solution, the BMMA survey revealed.

 


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